Supporting a Family Member with Addiction: Where to Find Help in Ireland
When someone you love is drinking, using drugs or gambling in a way that is causing harm, the whole family lives with it: the worry, the broken promises, the money, the secrecy, the arguments and the fear of what might happen next. Families often look for help only when things reach a crisis, but support for you is available at any stage, whether or not the person using wants help themselves.
What helps
Information. Understanding addiction as a pattern that is hard to change, rather than a simple choice or a lack of love, reduces blame on both sides.
Boundaries. Deciding what you will and will not do, saying it calmly and holding to it. Boundaries protect you; they are not punishments.
Your own support. Counselling, family support groups and trusted friends give you somewhere to put the weight.
Safety planning. If there is violence, threats or children at risk, your safety and theirs come first; see the contacts below.
Keeping the door open. Making it clear that help is available when the person is ready, without being drawn into managing their use.
What tends not to help
Covering up consequences, lending money that funds the addiction, repeated ultimatums that are not followed through, searching and policing, and arguing with someone who is intoxicated rarely change anything and usually leave you more exhausted. This is not a counsel of indifference; it is a recognition that the only behaviour you can change is your own.
Counselling for family members
Family members often arrive in counselling convinced that the problem is the other person's and that their own needs can wait. Counselling for you focuses on your wellbeing, your choices and the roles you may have fallen into over years of coping. Many ICPHAA addiction counsellors and addiction support workers list family support among their areas of focus; see the addiction counselling page.
Support services in Ireland
HSE Drugs and Alcohol Helpline: freephone 1800 459 459 (weekdays) or helpline@hse.ie, for confidential information for family members as well as people who use.
Al-Anon and Alateen (for families affected by someone's drinking), Nar-Anon (drugs) and Gam-Anon (gambling): peer support meetings in most areas and online.
Family Support Network and local family support services, many of them attached to community drug and alcohol projects; drugs.ie lists services by county.
Your GP, who can refer you to HSE services and support your own health.
In an emergency, or where there is violence or a child at risk, call 112 or 999. The Women's Aid 24-hour National Freephone Helpline is 1800 341 900.
Frequently asked questions
Can I make someone go to treatment?
Adults cannot be compelled into treatment except in very limited circumstances. What you can do is be clear about the help available, about your boundaries and about the consequences you will no longer absorb, and seek support for yourself in the meantime.
Is it my fault?
No. Addiction has many causes, and families often carry guilt that does not belong to them. Counselling can help you separate what is yours to change from what is not.
How do I talk to children about a parent's addiction?
Honestly, at a level they can understand, and with reassurance that it is not their fault and not their job to fix. Alateen and school-based supports can help; a family counsellor can advise on wording for your situation.
Finding an accredited practitioner
ICPHAA members who have published their directory listings can be browsed by county and by area of focus on the find a counsellor pages, including addiction counselling. Every listing links to the member's full profile and to the verification page, where you can confirm that their membership is current before you make contact.
This article is general information from ICPHAA, the Irish Counselling, Psychotherapy & Allied Healthcare Professionals Association. It is not a substitute for individual professional advice. If you are in crisis or at immediate risk, contact emergency services on 112 or 999. The Samaritans are available free, day and night, on 116 123, and you can text HELLO to 50808 for a free 24-hour text service.
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